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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful display.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {