Those Words shared by A Dad That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the reality soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."